Posted by: foodtraveller | October 14, 2009

Dark

Depression: that’s what Ive been to more than 30 days of my life. I dont know where it came from. What root/s did it originates. Those questions I sometime think. Maybe it came from small details that made it big. I dont know… all I know is Im suffering from this feeling of loneliness.. it gets deeper and deeper.

Depression: the feeling is hell. You cant sleep. You cant eat. Im craving coffee and other of the list of my comfort foods but it is not working anymore. It doesnt give me comfort anymore. I feel so down and it makes me so annoyed in everything. When I drink coffee I can still feel the heavy heart, worry and loneliness.

Depression: As much as i would like to talk to everybody especially those you know who can help you, they are not around. I feel that the earth is fighting over my happiness. I dont want this feeling. I feel like no one hears and listen anymore.

Depression: Now, Im beginning to accept things. The fear is there. Im so afraid. My worry is still here. But some of the issues are already settled. Now, I am afraid that anytime it will go back. I dont wanna go back to that darkness. I feel I am living dead and a walking dead who just breathe but not living anymore.

I love myself. I told myself that I must love myself. No one should love my soul but me. Im beginning to enjoy little things in my life and I learned that little things makes me happy. Simple craft is an achievement to me as long as it is dedicated for my daughter.

I think positive that this will end so soon. I am thinking that this is just temporary. I am thinking that it would be fine for me if I will accept things that I can not. Love those I cant. Accept and be subtle.

May the Lord guide me.

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